Pornography in the Church
Let’s Chat Afterglow #3
My father was one of the most faithful men of God I have ever known. He was holy, upright and sold out to Jesus. He spent at least three hours a day in Bible study and prayer. We were involved in praise and worship together for over 25 years. When he was in his mid-70’s, he decided to stop watching television. I thought, man, he is going to be bored to death as he spent most of his day sitting in his chair facing the television screen. He said he didn’t want to wear down and end up disappointing the Lord by committing the sin of lust, which leads to adultery. My knee-jerk reaction was, but you’re an old man. I pressed the issue a little further, because I thought it was a bit ridiculous. I said, “Well, what about Buckeye Football”, of which he loved. He said there was just too much that could pull him in between the cheerleaders and commercials. I’m thinking to myself, why not leave the room when the commercials come on or flip through them real fast or, better yet, look away? You see, some can do this, but others, such as my dad, couldn’t. He died last year at 84 years old, and he kept his oath to God, he never watched tv again. Does this seem a little extreme, especially for a Christian man? How many Christian men does pornography really snag?
Studies show that close to 70% of church-going men and over 50% of male pastors view porn on a regular basis. So, why isn’t the church talking about this more? It’s not a new issue. I remember going to a pastor’s conference at a very well-known ministry in Columbus, Ohio, about 20 years ago. I was so excited, because I admired this pastor. The huge sanctuary was packed, but as I looked around, I was painfully aware that there weren’t very many women pastors in attendance. Feeling a little bit uncomfortable, I got out the schedule and my notepad and started doodling, just trying to look busy, waiting for the man of God to speak. He began by asking us all to bow our heads in prayer and said that the Lord needed us to clear the air before we began the conference. What he said next really took me back. He said that there were a lot of people in the sanctuary that were struggling with pornography. I thought, oh no, I’m in the wrong session, I thought this was for pastors. He invited anyone who was struggling with pornography to come to the altar. I heard the rustling of feet all around me and thought everyone was leaving, but they were actually going to the altar. What began as an uncomfortable ask from the pastor, ended up being a beautiful healing experience for a large number of pastors that were in attendance.
It is no secret that men, for the most part, are visual beings while us women, typically, are all up in our emotions. “The emotion control center of the brain, the amygdala, shows significantly higher levels of activation in males viewing sexual visual stimuli than females viewing the same images” according to the Center for Behavioral Neuroscience study led by Emory University psychologists Stephan Hamann and Kim Wallen. I believe this finding and others like it are why there are more men involved in pornography than women, however, the number of women involved is rising. A study done in 2019 revealed that 3 in 10 women view porn on a regular basis. (Fight the New Drug, April 7, 2022) Pornography is a highly visual industry regardless of who is watching. So, as in the case with my father, it’s better not to see something than have to ask for forgiveness later. The Bible says, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 18:6). So, in the case of a married couple, is it really infidelity if a spouse views pornography?
I have had several women come to me for pastoral counseling regarding their husbands who view pornography. They are concerned about it and what it means for their relationship, but they don’t believe their husbands have committed adultery, regardless of the scriptures I share with them, because they have not actually had sex with someone else. Then comes the uneasy question I have to ask, but has he pleasured himself while viewing pornography? This is a very difficult thought to process. Wives feel shame for what their husbands are doing. They feel inadequate. They feel dirty. The devil wants that shame to remain because he doesn’t want us to expose these “dirty little secrets” by talking about them. He wants those who are addicted to porn to stay in the closet. He wants us to continue to believe that it’s no big deal, that it’s just how men are, that they can stop at any point. These are all lies. It is a big deal.
